A dear friend passed the night before Valentine’s day. Upon hearing that Stephen had passed, my heart opened. Tears ran down my cheek. I don’t know how many tears there were. How can you measure tears? Is it the same amount of tears I cried a few years ago when my friend Craig passed?
Both Stephen and Craig were musicians.I met Stephen 5 or 6 years ago. Remembering his loving smile fills me with joy now and reminds me of our deep metaphysical conversations we would have at our weekly band rehearsals. The music engaged our souls as we played; on the breaks, we talked. Stephen, beloved Soul, can my sadness be measured? It cannot.
I knew Craig for over 50 years. As teens, we played music together and in various orchestras. We listened to all the old and new classical music. He was an oboist; sometimes I accompanied him on piano. Other times, I played duets with him on trumpet. I miss him so much There is no measure for this sadness as well. The sadness is just a feeling.
At a recent comedy show, one of the comedians commented about my act where I play jazz on trumpet and piano simultaneously. Admittedly, this is a bit unusual; people always ask me how I do this . Anyway, after his set, the comic came up and we talked briefly in the parking lot. He only said two words to me: “Be Bold”
Those words stuck with me. In fact they filled me: Just like the sadness does when friends pass; just like the joy that fills me when I play with them. Being bold carries with it something that entails faith in something. This faith disallows fear. By choosing to be bold, I raise my self up. Do I know how how high I rise? I can’t measure this either. However, as soon as I make the choice, I am infilled with boldness. There is no measurable amount of boldness. Just its presence, like the presence of God.
I can be bold or not, Joy-filled or not, sad or not. Like boldness, there is no measurable amount of Joy. When I experience Joy, it just feels great! There is no measurable amount of sadness. I just feel sad. When I practice boldness, I am fearless. When I allow Joy to fill me, I am not sad. It is like the way breath fills me when I breathe. Sadness can fill me just as fast, but in order for this to happen, I must allow it just like I allow Joy. Sadness can be so powerful, so unfathomable, even unexplainable. Joy and sadness both emanate from the heart, the organ through which Spirit speaks.
Joy is a God quality and a feeling that infills completely. I always allow joy. By allowing joy, I allow myself to transmit to others by smiling, or doing something nice for another person. This is how I choose to share my Good. I experience sadness as well. Because I experience sadness, I know that I must allow it in the same way I allow Joy. By allowing, I am on my way to accepting. Sometimes sadness is dificult to accept. Sometimes it feels like sadness is all there is. The pull is so strong, it can feel magnetic.
At these times, I recognise that the reason for the sadness must be illuminated in the mind in its simplest form. I lost my good friends and that has saddened me. I know that this is what happened, all that happened. I recognise that Spirit is this sadness that is opening my heart.
Spirit allows me to know the Truth. This Truth shines through as I go inside and “see” my friends in their Divinity. I must then allow the sadness to go through me, the tears to flow so life can go on. At this moment, I breathe deeply. Now the sadness begins its transformation to Joy. Through tears and laughter, God is. I am.