Bye Bye 2020

I haven’t figured out yet what 2020 means or why it happened. Impeachment, the pandemic, #blacklivesmatter, a presidential election, the insurrection. Big events that forced me to understand life in turbulent times. People dying alone because of a mysterious illness. People beaten and bullied and killed because of the color of their skin. People confused and questioning what to do and what to think. People broadcasting exotic concoctions of lies and disinformation and xenophobia and racism.

Yes, I’m awake, amped up on daily doses of toxic thinking and feelings blasting from my many media screens and the rants that spill out of me on my long walks with my dog, that jar me and soothe me simultaneously, even as the world spins, lives begin, lives end.

I know I am a better person because of 2020. I’m more conscious of the pain of loss of family and friends to illness, jobs and businesses to economic tumbles, events unravelling, and travel plans trashed. I’m working on my rage and anger and revulsion towards those I disagree with, who’ve failed to lead, and turned their backs on suffering.
I let the light infuse my being, dissipating my dysphoria. Realignment, readjustment, reeducation, resilience. I send love and energy and hope to those who do the work to clothe, feed, teach, heal, raise up, inspire, vaccinate, create and transform the world for good.

I’m grateful. I have food, shelter, a job, love, family, friends, resources, broadband, Zoom, Instacart, Netflix. Virtual reality has become reality. The days blend together. I’m grateful it wasn’t worse. Grateful for working in the field that I chose or that chose me. Public health. I’m part of the solution. I am grateful.
The year 2020 was a long dark night. A journey through the desert. Life in a cave. I sense now a collective recalibration, an end to a thrilling and dangerous ride, an aha! moment. The darkness and desert are receding. Something deep inside me, has shifted, changed, remembered and forgot. It’s all good. I won, we won, we’re winning.