A Time for Rejuvenation

David gave a deep sigh as he entered the cold darkness of his home. He hated to turn on the lights because he had let the house become cluttered and messy since Arlene had decided to move to a care facility rather than stay at home and be cared for by him. It angered him that she didn’t trust him to provide her with the care that she needed. Of course he wasn’t a trained caregiver, but he was still her husband. She should have chosen him to care for her over people who were simply being paid to care for her. Why hadn’t she trusted him?

He thought back to the last visit that he had made to her in the care facility. She was so proud that she had made enough progress to be able to move from the bed into a wheelchair. He hadn’t expressed any joy at her progress. She had become angry with him. She accused him of not wanting her to get well. They had argued. He had admitted that he resented her decision to enter the care facility as if he wasn’t responsible as her husband. She had been shocked at his anger and resentment over her decision to seek professional care to get well. When she asked him why, he had left without giving her an answer. He hadn’t had an answer for her and still didn’t have an answer that he felt that she would understand.

He took a seat in his chair in the darkened living room. He hadn’t been to see his wife in two weeks. He thought about their relationship which hadn’t been a happy one before Arlene’s illness. He had worked hours of overtime for the last three years. When Arlene had asked him to cut down on working so many hours he had simply told her that making money to build up his retirement was more important than wasting his time on frivolous activities such as dinner dates and week-ends away that cost a great deal of money. She had been angry with him, but he had simply ignored her anger. He drifted off to a troubled sleep.

“David, over here!”, a voice called to him. He opened his eyes, but he was no longer in his home. The place seemed familiar. Then he realized where he was. It was the place that he and Arlene had loved during their courtship and the early years of their marriage. He caught his breath when he saw two figures walking on the beach, holding hands and smiling with love at each other. His eyes widened in surprise as he realized that the two people were him and Arlene. He wanted to move toward them, but he frozen in place and could only watch them.

The couple seemed so in love. He remembered that time, but it had been so long ago. The scene shimmered away to be replaced by the scene of their wedding. It hadn’t been a big expensive affair. They had been married in the backyard of her grandparents with only immediate family and close friends. It had been such a happy affair. There had been so much laughter. They had danced with abandoned. Their love for each other showed on their faces. He wondered what had caused the love to fade.

The scene shimmered away to be replaced by them moving into their first apartment. It had been a small one-bedroom dwelling. Arlene had loved decorating the tiny apartment with things that she had made or found in second hand shops. It was their first home together. Suddenly it changed. He was looking at the home that they currently lived in. Arlene had been reluctant to buy the house because it was so much out of their ability to pay. He had moved ahead and purchased the house ignoring her feelings about what she felt would be a strain on them financially. He had accused her of not trusting him in their financial matters. He noticed for the first time that there was no joy or happiness on her face. He noticed, too, that there was no happiness on his face, just an expression of anger and resentment at her unhappiness at the situation. She had been correct about the financial strain that purchasing the house had put on them. This had been the beginning of the separation between them. He saw himself beginning the downward spiral into desperation to keep his house, to buy an expensive car, to take them on a cruise that Arlene hadn’t wanted to take. The more she tried to express to him that she didn’t need such expensive things, the angrier and more resentful he had gotten toward her.

He didn’t like the things that he was seeing. He felt that he had a right to his dream home, but it hadn’t really been Arlene’s dream home. It should have been their dream home. She hadn’t wanted the luxury car that he had bought over her objections or the expensive cruise that he had guilted her into going on with him. He was seeing it all clearly and he didn’t like what he was seeing.

He came awake with a start and realized that he was still home in his chair. Now he understood why Arlene had chosen to go to a care facility. She didn’t feel that he would honor her decisions about her health care. He didn’t know how he would accomplish it, but he wanted to rejuvenate the joy and happiness from the early days of their courtship and marriage. He made a vow to start by letting her know that he honored her decision to seek professional help for her medical care. His choices to ignore her concerns over the years had forced her to disregard his decision to want to handle her medical care. It was time to start anew, to
apologize and ask for forgiveness and pray that it was possible to rejuvenate their love and happiness. He vowed to try.